Afraid of Success: How to Stop Getting in Your Own Way to Success

It’s kind of obvious, success is something we all desire and strive for. It’s what keeps us up at night, wakes us up early in the morning and pushes us. The funny thing about success is that it’s very possible to want it and fear it at the same time. There are many reasons success is terrifying to many of us, but it’s a dangerous and potentially destructive feeling to carry around. If you want to take control of your life success has to be something you embrace whole-heartedly. You also have to overcome the fear because it will get in your way and add unnecessary obstacles to the path. Here are 3 positive affirmations you have to tell yourself if you find the idea of succeeding scary.

You Deserve it

Many people who fear success feel this way because they don’t believe they are worthy. Some compare themselves to others and for others the cause is a deeply ingrained inferiority complex. Whatever the cause, feeling that you don’t deserve happiness is incredibly dangerous. It leads to self-sabotage and other behaviors that can diminish your potential. You have to look deep down in yourself and find the reason for the complex so that you can work on solving it. There’s nothing different between you and people that succeed, so you have no reason to doubt what makes you worthy of success. If you’re hard working, dedicated, respectful and kind – you do deserve it!

It Can Change You for the Better

Does success scare you because you’re worried about how much it could change you? Maybe you’re worried that you’ll lose control of your life or that something bad will happen to you once you succeed. The good news is that it’s not the only possible outcome. Think about the inspirational people who are successful and have been changed for the better. Their improvement isn’t about their bank accounts but about the impact they’re able to make in the world. Remember that you have the power to choose how success changes you, for better or for worse. It is possible that your success will lead to fulfillment and a greater impact on others, without undoing any of the good in your life.

It is Possible

Nobody wants to feel like a failure when they work hard at something that ultimately fails, so we often fear success because we feel that it’s not possible. You look at what others have achieved and you conclude that there’s no way you can do something bigger. The irony is, telling yourself that success is impossible will make it more impossible. Instead you have to tell yourself that it’s possible for you. So what if no one else has done it, what if you’re the one that will? Remember that you should only define yourself by what you are capable of, not what other people aren’t.

There is no Success Ideal

What makes a lot of us struggle with success is the feeling that we’re not the kind of people who should get it. Our view of success can be that it’s meant for a specific type of person- attractive, rich, popular, or someone who studied something in a field that is “more prestigious”. When we feel we don’t fit into that, we start talking ourselves out of success and we become fearful of it – thinking “how long can it last if it wasn’t meant to be mine in the first place?” Of course we’re mistaken and of course we limit ourselves when we think that way and we stand in our own way. Anyone with the desire, mindset and work ethic to success can do so and many people who rose above bad circumstances are evidence of that.

Failure isn’t Permanent

One of the main reasons I struggled with success was panicking anytime something good happened because I would anticipate an inevitable fall. To try to avoid the blow of a fall, we can start dreaming less, wanting less and aiming for less so that the fall never happens. The truth: we will fail, make mistakes and stumble on the path. Success is not a straight line – it’s made up of a series of moves, events, decisions and lessons. It’s impossible to achieve success without experiencing some losses and failures. We shouldn’t fear that though, because each failure teaches us valuable lessons about the direction we’re going. We shouldn’t let the fear of the ebbs and flows of success hinder us from reaching as high as we can towards what we really want. It won’t be an easy path to get to the top of that mountain. The climb is tough, challenging and it won’t be smooth but when we let courage fuel us, we’ll achieve the satisfaction of making our wildest dreams a reality.

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Are You Fulfilled: How to Assess Where you are Now to Determine Where You Want to Be

When you think about the life you have now, what do you feel? Is it joy and contentment or do you find yourself doubting your fulfillment? Are you wondering if you’re on the right path or starting to regret the path you took? Sometimes, right in the middle of the paths we realize that we want to change direction or start on a completely new one. For some it’s a new career and for others it’s starting a brand new chapter in a different country. When you start feeling restless in your life, you have to ask yourself whether you’ve fallen into a temporary rut or if you need to return to the drawing board. An honest assessment is the perfect way to be clear and sure of things before you make any huge and potentially permanent decisions.

I’m Feeling Unfulfilled. Do I See This Lasting for More than a Year?

If fulfillment and joy are becoming increasingly elusive it’s important to consider whether it’s a permanent thing or a temporary setback. Even the happiest people face dark days and difficult periods. Sometimes these are just setbacks before a major upswing and sometimes the feeling alerts us to areas that require transformation. If you have lost the hope that your disposition is going to change – it’s time to start thinking about adjustments.

Am I Happy with Where I Live

Environment has a lot to do with how you feel. It’s important to feel at home, at ease and in total control of your own destiny. Living the life of your dreams means living in a city or country that brings out the best in you. If you find yourself struggling to enjoy where you are, or if you feel like you’ve outgrown a place you can start to consider making a change. Note that moving is a huge decision and one that requires much consideration. Do research and learn as much as you can before taking the plunge.

Am I Enjoying my Work?

Work is a big factor in how we feel, not just because of how much money it makes us, but also in terms of how it contributes to our fulfillment. People want to enjoy the work they do and feel that they are doing their jobs well. Once that starts to slip from our fingers, it’s easy to start questioning everything. Think deeply about what you hate about your job and find out if there’s room for you to take on more responsibility at your current company. If not, explore changing companies. If the issue is about the industry or career path, it’s possible that your job does not align with your passion. With some soul searching you’ll find out where you really want to be and move towards it.

Is Something Missing?

Sometimes lack of fulfillment voices itself with the feeling that something’s missing in our lives. When you start to feel incomplete, it’s easy to begin wondering if you’re on the wrong path. To overcome this, you have to dig deep and figure out what you’re really missing. Do you want more adventure or do you want to find a sense of belonging? The true answers to those questions are found in deep soul searching and getting in touch with your inner voice. You might find that what you really needed was to be more spiritual to truly be at peace.

Am I Constantly Wishing for Something Else?

Finally, is your lack fulfillment revealing itself in envy and jealousy? Do you wish your life was different and resent people who have the life you want? The solution to this is to stop drowning in negative feelings and start creating the life you’re longing for. Instead of envying other people’ lives start learning from them to improve your own and make it a life you’re proud of.

Am I in the Right Relationship?

Who we are with determines a lot about how we feel, and we’ve seen it before – the people who decide to stay in relationships out of comfort and not out of love. This has a lot more to do with fear than it does with actual happiness and fulfillment. Relationships become comfortable blankets we hold onto and if they are wrong for us, we might end up stuck in them because the idea of starting afresh is incredibly terrifying. So if you want to assess where you are, you’re going to have to have to assess your romantic relationship (if you’re in one). Where you want to be in love has a lot to do with looking where you are now, whether you’re single or not. Think about the relationship you want to be in, the qualities you look for in a partner and things that are absolutely non-negotiable. What’s between where you are right now and where you want to be is the choice to become fulfilled.

Am I Excited to Wake up Every Day?

Life isn’t perfect and you won’t feel good everyday but when you’re fulfilled, you have a reason to wake up and a reason to want to contribute to the world. Life is about progress and this comes to life every single morning we get up. If waking up every morning feeling like life is a drag and you would rather hide in your covers all day, it’s time to reassess and rethink your level of fulfillment. The energy we give the earth when we wake up is the level of energy that meets us as we venture through the day. If it’s a struggle, that means you don’t have enough reason, purpose or inspiration to get out of bed. Purpose comes in the form of people, a calling in life, a job you live for or just a cause you care deeply about. All these things drive us forward and they drive our fulfillment, something that makes life worth living.

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How to Build a Business that Will Never Feel Like Work

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration if we said that most people really hate their jobs, and even though they spend the bulk of their lives at work, they’d really rather be somewhere else. The problem with hating your job is that it isn’t worth it. If you’ve invested time, valuable education and effort into something it should be something that makes you happy. You get the most out of your job when it’s something you’re passionate because it doesn’t feel like a job. If you’ve ever wondered why some people spend a lot of their time working, it might be because it doesn’t actually feel like a job. For most people who hate their job, the reasoning behind that feeling is a need to work on something they are passionate about instead. As a response to this, a lot of people are walking away from loathed jobs and instead choosing to turn what they love into what they have on their resume. Think of the corporate lawyer who decided to attend culinary school or the accountant that became a travel writer. Nowadays the possibilities are quite endless if you’re willing to find what truly makes you happy and make a career out of it. It seems daunting and scary but what you get back is something you can’t put a price on.

Identify It

The first step to pursuing your passion is knowing what it is. Ask yourself which activities you could spend the whole day doing without noticing the passing of time. Think about when you’re at your most joyful and capable. With these crucial questions your passion will become clearer, though many people don’t even have to think about it because it’s obvious!

Get the Skill

A career isn’t built on passion alone, so once you know what it is, make sure you have the skills to back it up. You might need to take a refresher course or attend a workshop, but remember that this is an investment in yourself.

Find Your Way In

Some of the best products, brands and innovations come from someone noticing a gap and using their unique skills and perspective to bring something new and necessary to the table. Look around at what you think might be missing from what’s already on offer and consider how you can change this. As Toni Morrison said“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

Learn, Learn, Learn

There’s a reason why there are people who are older and more experienced than us, they are repositories of valuable information and lessons and all we need to do is reach out to them and benefit from their wisdom. If you really want to turn your passion into a profit, you will have to swallow your pride and really be ready to soak up knowledge from every direction it comes from. Find a mentor or ask around about people who have taken a similar path to yours. Many of them are more than happy to lend you some help, offer advice and even link you up with people who can help you even more. Professional growth does not come from pride or resting on your laurels, it comes from accepting that you don’t know everything, so other people can fill in the gaps for you. So roll up your sleeves and get to learning. You’ll be grateful for it! There are many things that look a certain way from afar so we have to gain perspective from other people. Don’t be afraid to lean on them, they can help you reach your goals.

Step Out of Your Box

Fear is a normal response to an unknown and our comfort zones are our way of avoiding the fear. The problem with fear is that it’s a false signal. When we’re afraid we think we’re in danger, but it’s actually just our mind processing an unknown. Therefore, feeling fear does not mean you shouldn’t go for something it probably means you should. That means you should be okay to step out of your comfort zone and actually push yourself to do that often. People who have turned their passion into profit making careers had to get away from the comfort zones of their fears and the comfort zones of what people say we should do. Ultimately, what we have to gain goes above and beyond what we might lose.

Work Hard

Just because something is your passion, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put a lot of effort into it. The most successful ventures succeed because they are run by dedicated and hardworking people who put energy into them. This will be better than working hard at something you can’t stand because you’ll be putting your energy into something that makes you happy.

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“Thank you” is a simple statement loaded with meaning and power. After a meal and when something great happens, gratitude starts a cycle of positivity that expands and gives us more things to be grateful for. It’s taken for granted in our society – where people tend to measure what they lack and not what they’ve been blessed with. In many ways, we plant seeds of discontentment, whenever we complain about minor things or when we don’t take the moment to acknowledge the many wonderful things we have in our lives. Sure, we don’t have everything and we might still wish for more, but how can we receive more if we don’t show how happy we can be with less? Ironically, the world most content people don’t have the fancy and luxurious trappings we covet they have their gratitude and that provides them with much fulfillment.

It’s a Path to Fulfillment

Gratitude is powerful because instead of discontentment it puts us on the frequency that makes it possible for us to enjoy where we are right now. Discontentment breeds voids and that leads to a constant need to fill them. You’ll always want something shinier and better to replace the thing you got that didn’t really make you happy in the first place. The feeling of constantly wanting more doesn’t go away until you consider the thought that you might already have enough. On the other hand, gratitude breeds satisfaction and the joy that comes with being fortunate to do things others only dream about. By getting onto the right frequency, you’ll set yourself up for success because you’ll be too busy chasing your passions instead of counting your possessions. 

It Gives You a Greater Responsibility for your Possessions

We live in a throw away culture where things are so quickly replaceable. The problem with this culture is that it has made us reckless owners. We waste food, buy new gadgets when the old ones are still in great condition and we buy things we don’t really want because they’re easily available. This curbs gratitude in a major way and breeds discontentment. Remember when you saved up for something you couldn’t really afford and you managed to get it? Remember how well you took care of it because you were grateful that you were able to afford it? When it comes to possessions, this should be our approach – taking care of our belongings because we are fortunate to have them.

It Gives Us Depth

Society can be very shallow and nothing shows this more than how ungrateful we can be about the little inconveniences in life. By practicing gratitude, we approach life with a lot more depth and learn to appreciate even the things that don’t cost a thing. Gratitude goes against the grain of materialism and we learn to get the most of what we already have and make sure we’re doing all we can to extract value from what we have in our lives. Whether it’s people, possessions or experiences – gratitude breeds real meaningful value which we miss out on whenever we complain and moan about facing a small set back.

It Forces us to Look Outside of Ourselves

When you are content and feel that you have everything you need, what is the next step? The ability to see the needs of other people and come up with ways to help them. When you believe that the cup runs over for you, it becomes so easy to extend yourself to the people whose lives you can impact. You don’t have to do great things to make a difference, but through gratitude you’ll find yourself being a lot more compassionate and driven by the need to serve and help people and not just the need to serve your own happiness. If you are able to drive yourself to see outside of your own word, outside of your own gains and needs – you achieve depth and you really start to see the world as it should be, an opportunity to be a giver, and have a greater purpose that goes beyond the immediate environment you’re in.  That, more than anything brings out the best in us.

3 Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Take Note: Invest in a gratitude journal. Every single day write 3 things that you’re grateful to have experienced.
• Take Care: Take better care of your possessions, instead of handling them recklessly.
• Change Perspective: Make sure you’re grateful for things other than money and possessions. Your family, your friends and the little miracles we experience in our lives – those are the true blessings. 
• Stop Complaining: Life has its little inconveniences, and while they are incredibly annoying they don’t spell the end of the world. Learn to stop complaining because it creates a cycle of dissatisfaction that never ends.

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When someone says something negative about you, it cuts deep. It’s a wound that can remain open and can destroy your happiness. Everyone has opinions and when you take them to heart, they begin to control you. You’ll start adjusting your actions and behavior to put people at ease around you. The only problem with this is that it etches and scrapes away your own identity and essence, and that’s a terrible loss. Growing a thicker skin is something that sounds easier in words, in reality being less sensitive is a process. The first step in the process is defining yourself and knowing yourself extremely well. Everything else can be built up once the foundation is right.

People Can Only Understand to the Level of their Own Perception

When people judge you, it’s often less about you and more about how they perceive the world. If someone doesn’t understand you, that’s because they aren’t at your level of perception. Remember that’s okay, it’s a fool’s errand to put all your energy into convincing people to get you. Every person has experiences, insecurities and fears. These have an impact on their opinions, so when someone doesn’t have a good opinion of you consider that they are coloring their perceptions of you with their own view.

Yes You Have Flaws

Nobody’s perfect, no matter how much we might try to be. We all have flaws and even when we work on them, they still show themselves from time to time. To take control of your life, you must recognize that you’re a human and you are going to make mistakes. When someone criticizes you, don’t internalize it. Remind yourself that you’re flawed and move forward.

Not Everyone’s Going to Like You

Don’t fall into the people pleaser’s trap because one of life’s great truths is that you won’t be liked by everybody. Some people just won’t understand you and some will dislike you for reasons beyond your control. Should you waste valuable time trying to get everyone to join your fan club? No. Instead, give your energy to the people that like and love you, they absolutely deserve it. Don’t be worried about what that other person said about you, this is energy and time wasted. If there are people who love you, value you and think you’re awesome – what more could you possibly want?

Value YOUR Opinion

An identity built on the expectations of other people is a tenuous one. It can never be solid or stable enough to sustain you. The person you look at in the mirror, that’s who should matter in what you feel about yourself. You are your own greatest competition and many times the best person who can solve your problems. Most of us know exactly what we need to be happy and sometimes it might just seem in conflict with the status quo, but that doesn’t matter if you value your opinion first. You just can’t please them all especially when pleasing them comes at the expense of your own joy, peace and happiness.

Paying attention to people’s opinions of you is frankly an exhausting exercise. You’ll spend your time concerned with whether you look right, act right or sound right, when in all honesty there isn’t just one correct way to be a person. Also the only person who ends up suffering is you and that begs the question: are you willing to lose yourself to gain the approval and gratification of people who don’t value you the way you deserve to? The answer should always be a no, because no other person can be more valuable than your own sanity.

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